Chase

I told myself I wasn't going to start freaking out about jobs this time. That I would wait and find something I liked and wanted, or at least was in a location I wanted to be in so I could look for something I liked and wanted. Now here I am, frustrated because I job I didn't want closed before I could get my ass in gear to apply for it. I also know that I should just wait, and more things will come, because that is how things go. Everything related is on summer vacation. But I feel I can't wait. I need to know where and when I will be starting to get pay cheques.
Before I did this, I told myself I would even switch what I was doing, in order to eventually get what I want. Nope. I must butt my head against the wall and try and put myself through something I don't want to get the money.
I tell myself: breath, relax.
I don't listen.
I wanted to enjoy this summer, like I didn't enjoy the last one, or the one before, or the one before. I told myself I worked hard and saved and had nothing to worry about. I don't believe myself anymore but I think I should.