Okay

I am sad. I know you know.
It is a different kind of sad than I have had before. It isn't like the sad before that I used to call 'the black times.' It isn't the sad crazy of last November/December. It isn't the sad when a loved one passes. It is just sad mixed with guilt and remorse and it is eating me alive.
I am searching to find if this kind of sad is just being sad, that everyone feels like this once in a while, but I don't know. I certainly know I haven't felt like this before. I am trying to see the light at the end of this sadness but this sadness comes with lethargy too and I seem to be building on that.
What to do? What to do? What does one do when one is sad? I thought you were just supposed to go with it and eventually you would be happy again. It isn't like this has lasted so long, it is just how hard it hit me and how intense it is. I am trying to hide it from my parents, who I am currently staying with, because we don't talk about that kind of thing and it would make it all uncomfortable and I don't want to be watched or have to put on an act.
I just want to be sad, but not sad like this.