Too Much to Ask

For the love of God. I mean really. Is it too much to ask for a pair of black pants made out of cotton? Apparently it is. And, if you put other restrictions on the pants like, they must fit, it becomes impossible. Say you even want a certain style, like capri's because it is going to be summer and you are going to have to wear these pants outside and they must be black, then you might as well be put to death.
My head is going to explode.
The whole entire day was spent driving and looking and driving and looking in each store for black pants. Black pants. Not anything like fuschia and green striped pants with a satin bow to close, because those I could have found, but just plain. black. pants.
How did I let myself enter these dire straights? Most women own more black pants than the total of all their other pants combined. Me? Just one pair that is hopelessly formal and needs to be drycleaned. Very cute on the tush, but impractical nonetheless. Somehow I lost or gave away my other pair of black pants. And the third pair, well, I retired them because I was sick of wearing pants that are too short for me (NO MORE! I said I AM NOT A GIRAFFE AND FINDING PANTS THAT FIT SHOULDN'T BE THAT HARD then I tried and I laughed and laughed). It seems anyone with my waist size should be short and a pre-pubescent because they don't make room for hips in them and they are too short. Or the hips are down around mid-thigh, because people with that small of waist are usually hiking their pants up around under their breasts and over their actual waist? I don't know.
Oh the humanity.
I bought two pairs of black pants today, neither of which are really what I want and are 'hipsters' kind of when I am definitely not so 'hipster'.
I even looked at skirts. Usually, with yesterday being the notable exception, I have a hell of a time finding skirts that look decent on me. I end up looking like a bell because they just sit weird. Today was not the exception and all the skirts made me look like a bell. Oh, you want a beer? Ding dong! Here it is.
White shirts too, who doesn't have white shirts? Me. I had to go and buy white shirts. T-shirts, other shirts, what the hell shirts. What do I wear? I don't know. Obviously not black pants and white shirts. Maybe I like to be a little more original or something and wear colour. Maybe I am sick of wearing clothes altogether. Maybe blue and yellow feature a little too prominently in my closet. Maybe I am due for some new clothes.
What day is it? Do I ever have to go through this again?