Yeesh
I think it is over.
I mean, I have not turned into a mass of asexual being but the drive that drove me through the roof seems to have calmed down to a more normal acceptable level and I can function without dry-humping the walls. And the bed. And the chair. And any random person walking by. (I think I know what a cat feels like in heat now.)
I think I have a hypothesis as to why I was on such a ... well, you know. I got my period, which brought about all the hormonal upheavals that it usually does. Then, I ovulated (which is unusual but far from unheard of at this time of the month) which brought about more hormonal upheavals. Together these two upheavals clashed together to form one giant sex-infused hormonal state. I wasn't hormonal in the other sense, the one most people tie the word into. In fact, I was more easy-going and cheerful than I feel I usually am (maybe that was hormonal and part of trying to get people into bed with me to deal with the sex-infused hormonal state), but now that it is all over I am back to being angry.
Angry. Over the weekend I saw that a doctor is being charged with sexual assaulting two women in 1988 and 1991. That is a long time ago and it made me think, now that I am strong enough to deal with this kind of crap (or am I?) should I try and charge the fucker who sexually assaulted me so many years ago? I think I have gotten over the shame of the incident anyway and am just angry. What would charging him solve (if the statute of limitations for things like that hasn't expired anyway), would it change how he had treated women between then and now when he was most likely to re-offend? Would it ruin his life now and do I want that? Should I care about his life now? I don't know.
Angry. The past keeps coming up and biting me on the ass. I guess it because I am bringing it up and trying to (cue the flutes and birds) "let it go" but how far does it go? Do I cut off all my interactions with people who have scarred me in the past? Do I cut off all interactions with people who are likely to scar me in the future (this I am all for!). How does one go about cutting off relationships with people that have behaved amicably with you for decades because of incidents so long ago. Not incidents like you stole my popsicle and now I can never trust another human, but bigger ones than that and longer ones than that.
But then, I wouldn't be who I was today if it wasn't for what had happened to me in the past. I wouldn't have developed such a strong sense of self and independence. Should I be thankful to the people for causing such incidents that I became who I am? And just so you know, yes, there are lots of other people who I know have suffered much worse incidents than me, but mine are mine and effected me in my way.
I mean, I have not turned into a mass of asexual being but the drive that drove me through the roof seems to have calmed down to a more normal acceptable level and I can function without dry-humping the walls. And the bed. And the chair. And any random person walking by. (I think I know what a cat feels like in heat now.)
I think I have a hypothesis as to why I was on such a ... well, you know. I got my period, which brought about all the hormonal upheavals that it usually does. Then, I ovulated (which is unusual but far from unheard of at this time of the month) which brought about more hormonal upheavals. Together these two upheavals clashed together to form one giant sex-infused hormonal state. I wasn't hormonal in the other sense, the one most people tie the word into. In fact, I was more easy-going and cheerful than I feel I usually am (maybe that was hormonal and part of trying to get people into bed with me to deal with the sex-infused hormonal state), but now that it is all over I am back to being angry.
Angry. Over the weekend I saw that a doctor is being charged with sexual assaulting two women in 1988 and 1991. That is a long time ago and it made me think, now that I am strong enough to deal with this kind of crap (or am I?) should I try and charge the fucker who sexually assaulted me so many years ago? I think I have gotten over the shame of the incident anyway and am just angry. What would charging him solve (if the statute of limitations for things like that hasn't expired anyway), would it change how he had treated women between then and now when he was most likely to re-offend? Would it ruin his life now and do I want that? Should I care about his life now? I don't know.
Angry. The past keeps coming up and biting me on the ass. I guess it because I am bringing it up and trying to (cue the flutes and birds) "let it go" but how far does it go? Do I cut off all my interactions with people who have scarred me in the past? Do I cut off all interactions with people who are likely to scar me in the future (this I am all for!). How does one go about cutting off relationships with people that have behaved amicably with you for decades because of incidents so long ago. Not incidents like you stole my popsicle and now I can never trust another human, but bigger ones than that and longer ones than that.
But then, I wouldn't be who I was today if it wasn't for what had happened to me in the past. I wouldn't have developed such a strong sense of self and independence. Should I be thankful to the people for causing such incidents that I became who I am? And just so you know, yes, there are lots of other people who I know have suffered much worse incidents than me, but mine are mine and effected me in my way.
posted by Muss at 8:42 am
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