Apocalyptic Penis
Way now, way now, don't feel it's over.
So, I may have found a new place to live in a different town in my affordable price range, 5 minutes from work, 3 blocks from the beach. What gives? How can this be? We will have to wait and see ...
Last night I went to be early, but not early enough that I didn't sit down with a pen and paper and write. It is rare that I feel like doing that but I am glad I did it last night. What I wrote was shite, but it is always nice just to write with a pen every once in a while.
Oh, and I got a raise. $0.50 an hour more, $40.00 more every 2 weeks. Holy mother of god, thank you. What do they think? That this makes it acceptable? I don't think so. It is kind of insulting. I feel like telling them to keep their $0.50 an hour raise because it is demeaning in the aspect that it doesn't do anything for me.
I wore my sexy long boots today to work and I saw all the male staff look me up and down today when I got in. Nice. Maybe this is the only reason I go in to work, to have a chance to be oogled by the opposite sex, to feel wanted or something, to get some kind of attention (okay, now that is over the top way too feeling sorry for myself or something, I'm not actually that bad, there must be other reasons I go in to work).
I have noticed my hair is getting really long again. For the past year and a half, it was getting shorter and shorter. It just wasn't growing and every time I went it to get a trimmed they would cut it and it got shorter. Not only that, it was falling out in handfuls. Every bath, every shower would make me cringe. Now, my hair is getting longer rapidly. It is also getting kind of fuzzy, in the way of new growth sprouting out all over my head and not being long enough to fall with the others. Yay! More hair on my head (written at first as more head on my hair), to more likely conform with societal views of feminine beauty. Stay tuned for the changes in both body and mind that this cleansing process is bringing ...
Okay don't. See if I care.
The biggest feeling for this month is ... well, just nothing. The absence of feeling anything strongly. The lust is gone, the happy is gone, the sad is gone, the anger (although can be triggered) is gone. All replaced by a sense of colourless being. Of just putting in time. I talked ot my ex about this the other day, as he is one of the only ones I can have these types of conversations with without the other person freaking out. He said it is not fair to be able to choose the time in which you check out while the rest of the schmucks just keep putting in their time. It made sense at the time, because I am all about the global fairness of things (well, I try) but now I am thinking a little more selfishly again. Why should we put in empty time? Why is it worth it if everything is colourless?
I don't know if I liked the overwhelming feeling of sadness more than this.
So, I may have found a new place to live in a different town in my affordable price range, 5 minutes from work, 3 blocks from the beach. What gives? How can this be? We will have to wait and see ...
Last night I went to be early, but not early enough that I didn't sit down with a pen and paper and write. It is rare that I feel like doing that but I am glad I did it last night. What I wrote was shite, but it is always nice just to write with a pen every once in a while.
Oh, and I got a raise. $0.50 an hour more, $40.00 more every 2 weeks. Holy mother of god, thank you. What do they think? That this makes it acceptable? I don't think so. It is kind of insulting. I feel like telling them to keep their $0.50 an hour raise because it is demeaning in the aspect that it doesn't do anything for me.
I wore my sexy long boots today to work and I saw all the male staff look me up and down today when I got in. Nice. Maybe this is the only reason I go in to work, to have a chance to be oogled by the opposite sex, to feel wanted or something, to get some kind of attention (okay, now that is over the top way too feeling sorry for myself or something, I'm not actually that bad, there must be other reasons I go in to work).
I have noticed my hair is getting really long again. For the past year and a half, it was getting shorter and shorter. It just wasn't growing and every time I went it to get a trimmed they would cut it and it got shorter. Not only that, it was falling out in handfuls. Every bath, every shower would make me cringe. Now, my hair is getting longer rapidly. It is also getting kind of fuzzy, in the way of new growth sprouting out all over my head and not being long enough to fall with the others. Yay! More hair on my head (written at first as more head on my hair), to more likely conform with societal views of feminine beauty. Stay tuned for the changes in both body and mind that this cleansing process is bringing ...
Okay don't. See if I care.
The biggest feeling for this month is ... well, just nothing. The absence of feeling anything strongly. The lust is gone, the happy is gone, the sad is gone, the anger (although can be triggered) is gone. All replaced by a sense of colourless being. Of just putting in time. I talked ot my ex about this the other day, as he is one of the only ones I can have these types of conversations with without the other person freaking out. He said it is not fair to be able to choose the time in which you check out while the rest of the schmucks just keep putting in their time. It made sense at the time, because I am all about the global fairness of things (well, I try) but now I am thinking a little more selfishly again. Why should we put in empty time? Why is it worth it if everything is colourless?
I don't know if I liked the overwhelming feeling of sadness more than this.
posted by Muss at 2:39 pm
2 Comments:
i like writing in a journal, on paper, as well, i get a different feel to the whole thing. i dig long hair on chicks, but short hair can be pretty sexy, and so can some bald chicks. i dont' know how or why, but they can be. ahhh, the blunt numbness of apathy...when i am awash in it, i would actually like it if i didn't not care....
I agree. It does have a different feel. I also agree about the long hair and short hair on girls, both have the potential to be sexy. And bald, but it would have to be smooth, as I don't like stubble, not at all.
I would like it if I didn't not care too.
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