These Eyes
I am tired of being tired. I have suffered insomnia on and off my whole life. Recently, in the past year and a half, it has gotten much worse. At the worst times, I haven't slept for days. I look like it too. I walk around in a fog and I can't function well. I hate tossing and turning all night long, in and out of sleep, never getting to REM or the deeper one. Sigh.
Last year I went to the doctor and he took some tests, thyroid, anemia, and diabetes (jeez, I can't go into the doctor without them taking those exact same tests, I think I get them done at least once a year for the past ... 14 years and they are always fine, maybe they should try something else???). This year I went again and he told me he would do the tests again but suspected I have SAD, but not the depressed portion, just the can't sleep kind. Okay, that kind of made sense to me since last year in May I could sleep. But now it is June. I still can't sleep. Well, that is not entirely true. I have a hard time falling asleep and keep waking up earlier and earlier. Like, for example, 4 am. Then awake until my alarm goes off. It is all very very pleasant.
I miss sleeping. I daydream about sleeping. There came a point last year, after about 5 months of not sleeping and it was getting worse, when I thought, I can't take this. I can't take this with no end in sight. I can't take this not sleeping, walking zombie life.
I am not there again yet. Yet. I can take this I guess. I am anyway. I just can't keep my house clean, feed myself, do anything with my animals, do anything requiring concentration, think, or socialize.
Last year I went to the doctor and he took some tests, thyroid, anemia, and diabetes (jeez, I can't go into the doctor without them taking those exact same tests, I think I get them done at least once a year for the past ... 14 years and they are always fine, maybe they should try something else???). This year I went again and he told me he would do the tests again but suspected I have SAD, but not the depressed portion, just the can't sleep kind. Okay, that kind of made sense to me since last year in May I could sleep. But now it is June. I still can't sleep. Well, that is not entirely true. I have a hard time falling asleep and keep waking up earlier and earlier. Like, for example, 4 am. Then awake until my alarm goes off. It is all very very pleasant.
I miss sleeping. I daydream about sleeping. There came a point last year, after about 5 months of not sleeping and it was getting worse, when I thought, I can't take this. I can't take this with no end in sight. I can't take this not sleeping, walking zombie life.
I am not there again yet. Yet. I can take this I guess. I am anyway. I just can't keep my house clean, feed myself, do anything with my animals, do anything requiring concentration, think, or socialize.
posted by Muss at 7:46 pm
4 Comments:
dr michelle (previous insomniac of note)suggests:
vitamin B complex (non-yeast based) in big enough doses to matter(google for info)
calcium (not carbonate) the others are more expensive but better for the stomach. also biggish doses.
excercise, the more vigorous the better but yoga or its ilk also helps.
systematic muscle relaxation excercises -the "tense and relax" kind.
write as much worrying shit down as possible.
give yourself over to not giving a shit till morning!
if you can't sleep get up and do something else. lying there tossing and turning nver seems to help. have some hot milk with cinnamon and read or something till sleep wins! let it win if it wants to :)
You know, the most frustrating thing about this insomnia is that nothing works for me like it is supposed to.
Gravol and antihistamines keep me awake for days, as do prescription sleeping pills. Any of the B vitamins work for me like I have been drinking espressos nonstop for 8 hours. Calcium has worked but now is giving me headaches and making my pee cloudy. I can't exercise much, I have this stupid broken hip thing, but I do yoga, usually for 1 to 1.5 hours a day. At night, I go through all my muscles and organs and tense and relax them and encourage them to let go of anything they are holding on to. I also think I am written out. I have pages and pages of stuff. I burn it all eventually. I can't drink milk at all, or I am up and in the bathroom all night and I usually am ending up reading all night lately. I have been reading 2 to 4 books a week like this.
I am one stubborn insomniac.
dang. you know if it's seasonal then it might be an allergic response not SAD, allergies really affect the brain very badly if you're very sensitive, as it sounds you are. I am the same with sleeping pills and antihistamines which i avoid like the plague.
i used to have terrible sleeping problems too. have you been tested for intestinal problems like candida? i think there is a simple saliva test now. or they can measure titers in the blood, now, i think. that will completely unbalance your whole body. and it's the one thing many doctors avoid testing for. and that could explain the more extreme reactions to anything you take-making it worse.
have you tried oatmeal or some other food source high in protein before bed? and you can have it without milk, which is good. that often helps.
Oh, if only it was seasonal. It isn't. It has spanned the last 2 years.
I have/had candida. It is under control, way down in levels anyway, and these levels don't seem to correspond with my not being able to sleep.
I haven't tried high protein before bed, as I have been avoiding eating before I go to bed as maybe something that was keeping me awake. Maybe I will try that. Thanks!
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