Yay. I am trapped. Outside of my house. Held there by noxious perfume. Yay. I wanted to be at work on Friday night. No, I hadn't gotten enough of it yet this week, thanks for asking.
I was just thinking about the place I last lived in Vancouver, a bachelor suite in a converted house. I had two of the upstairs bedrooms. It was small and crowded. And then my sweet so moved in, which of course, wasn't allowed. It made it really weird, since we had to avoid running into two other people who went in the same door. We had to share showers, in what was the smallest shower stall I have ever seen (think 5th wheel or trailer) to avoid detection. The plumbing ran through the landlords apartment. Since he is a tall and well muscled boy, and I am a clutz, we had carefully choregraphed a shower routine to avoid killing each other. It just happened, it wasn't planned, but I guess in 4 months things just happen.
Some things happened when we lived in that place that I wish had not. Sometimes I wish I had been stronger against things that I should have been able to be strong against. Sometimes I hurt him when I now see I never should have. What to do about past regrets? I told myself I would never regret things again, that I would stand behind myself and my decisions, but sometimes I make stupid decisions and think about people in the wrong order.
I have been thinking a lot in the past couple of weeks. Bad things have been happening in my life that I do not wish to share with just everyone. A cumulation of horrendous things that could only be imagined, and they have happened all within the space of 21 days. I have been up and down, and thinking and avoiding. It has all come down to me and who I am and who I wish to be. I better be ready for this. I don't think you ever are though.
