F.

Back to normal.

It was a hard going few days into more than a week. Getting those synthetic, or at least not human, hormones out. I can't believe how much rage came pouring out in that time. Ripping shredding killing rage with lots of kicks and abusive words. No, that is not for me. I saw it more this time than I had before. I didn't have a situation or a person to blame it on. It was all that. I was all that. Only there for 4 days and more than a week to recover. I wonder if it is out of my system yet? I wonder how other people can put up with the changes it brings, even if not as severe as mine. I wonder what would of happened if I had ever got a shot of birth control (as suggested by my doctor to put on weight) or the under the skin insert (also suggested by my doctor). I probably would not be alive.

E.

Hard times.

But in an interesting way. No more water cooler. No more jewewlry. 2 locked doors to enter and exit. Able to knock me over and break my fragile little bones with one fell push. Able to control it with my eyes and words only. The angry, the mislaid, the misplaced, the unplacable. Now part of my group. The perfectionist comes into a position where she can't win, where she can bang her head against the wall continuously, where facade is everything and real life is nothing.

Quite the career I walked back into.

D.

Heaven.

In the days, laying on a certain couch, napping when desired, awake sometimes too. Taking the various dogs for walks throughout the day. Eating carrots and humous. Doing yoga everyday. Reading interesting books. Drinking hot water with lemon.

In the evening, having easy yet tasty and healthy meals. Talking and laughing throughout. With one other person. The walking the dogs again before bed.

C.

Hormonal methods of birth control are not for everyone.

Day 1: Morning sickness

Day 2: Morning sickness x 2

Day 3: Everything seems okay

Day 4: Deep depression and suicidal thoughts

Day 5: Withrdrawal from stopping it. I have never experienced such rage, such inability to be in control. I couldn't sleep. I couldn't talk to anyone. I couldn't stop moving.

What a pleasant experience. I knew I couldn't do it.

B.

I thought I had moved into a new part of my life.

I thought moving and saying no more would make changes, changes that I could live with and be happy with.

Then I got pulled back in. But I don't know how badly and I don't know if it is the same.

It all just went so fast.

It isn't as if I don't need it. I definitely do. It isn't as if the changes I made worked out to be what I thought they would be anyway.

A.

What did you learn in your exclusion?

I learned that self-imposed exile is not always what you wish it to be.

What did you learn from your return?

Exclusion is the more desired place to be.

An Army of W.A.S.P.S.

So this morning, you know, in the shower and all, rinsing my hair, doing my thing when all of a sudden, and I mean all of a sudden, all these wasps started coming out of a vent in the ceiling. So there I was trapped in the shower, being naked and wet and all and there being an army of wasps between me and the door. What to do? Naked and wasps are two words that should not go together. I stared at them in shock through my clear shower curtain. Total shock. You might even picture me being incredibly afraid of wasps and bees. You might do that because you would be right. Not my fault, all my brother's and his damn allergy to stings. Whenever there were any wasps or bees around everyone would start panicking and grabbing him and running away. I would just join in the fear and running and now here I am an adult who is really afraid of bees and wasps. Especially afraid of wasps when naked in the shower. Eventually a wasp ventured into the shower. Yes. Into the shower. Luckily for me I have a removable shower head and I took that shower head and I sprayed that wasp down the drain. Yippee! Go me! A hero! But what to do about all the other wasps that weren't in the shower? Plus I didn't really want the rest of the wasps to come into the shower, being naked and all exposed with many many places to sting and bite. Also luckily for me it was very cold last night and the hot steam must have just woke up the freezing wasps in the vent so they were slow and groggy and stayed near the vent. With that I was able to time a burst from the shower and out of the bathroom and all those wasps (wiggly assholes sharpening perilous stingers).

If

something is too cheap that means someone is paying the cost somewhere. Maybe it is the environment or maybe it is someone else down the line.

http://www.cbc.ca/vinylcafe/bakery.html

Bored

Apparently I was bored. You know, with the starting up a business and working 70 to 80 hours a week with that and gutting the place I was staying and re-doing that. Yes, very boring, so I decided to throw a full time job in there that hours directly conflict with those of the store. Interview tomorrow at 10:00. Stay tuned.

Kennel Cough

Oh for Fuck's sake. Fuck. Really really fuck.

9 days ago I brought my little dog in to get neutered and get his booster shot. I brought him to a different clinic than I usually go to, one that would let me take him home the same day, you know, because I know him well enough that when I am out of his sight he screams and since vet visits and neutering would be stressful, I thought it better that he recover with me in his sight. 5 days ago he starting hacking and coughing ALL NIGHT LONG. So now, I can't bring my dogs to work, I can't finish my obedience school and I have a sick dog with a contagious disease that can pass it on to all my other animals. Who could do that to my cute little dog?

So I phoned the clinic, not at all impressed with this development and they were snotty. Very very snotty. Yes, yes, I went out with my sick dog and rubbed his face in other dog's faces, dogs that were coughing. OR some dog broke into my house when I wasn't home and gave him kennel cough and left without me knowing he was even there.

You want to know something else? I didn't notice this when I dropped him off or I would've turned around and left but the operating theatre is open to the front reception area. Hell, I guess in a messy enough operation I could've got splattered with blood! Yippee! How hygenic! Why wear the robes? Why wear the surgical hats? Why? When they are shaving a dog and clipping his toenails right below the window space which contains no pane and below the fish tank that is so cloudy that you can't see through it? Why not just sneeze on them or rub faeces in their open wounds for all the sterile fields you don't have and have not set up. WHAT THE FUCK.

So tonight, instead of bringing my little dog back there to get his stitches out, never going to happen, I tried to take them out with the help of my mother. I figured, I took my other two dog's stitches out when the time came because the travelling vet wasn't back around in time and instructed us to, so I can do that. No, not so much. I can't hold a dog and take out the stitches and apparently my mom can't do either of those jobs.

Now my little dog is running around with one stitch cut and left in him but all the other ones got out.

Bonjour! Bonjour!

So next we should talk about shedding cats.

I thought cats just always shedded their hair. I thought that was part of being a cat. Even after I discovered I was allergic to my cats, I kept them, hair flying everywhere causing me anguish and long hours of cleaning to try to get rid of it (and the actual dander that was causing the allergies). And then I heard a rumour that someone's cats didn't shed when they fed them this certain high quality food. Well! I had fed that food to a previous cat I had and he still lost a lot of hair. So I got to thinking, I feed my cats a high quality food (which prevents my one cat with enteritis from bleeding from his gut like everything causes, such as air), but maybe it is missing something they need. God knows I cannot switch foods (no no nononono. I don't need the vet bills for that, damn bleeding gut cat). So I thought, maybe I could supplement my cats with some stuff and see what happened. Could help the shedding, could help the bleeding guts.

I feed my cats Wysong Vitality, Hokamix 30, organic plain yoghurt, salmon oil, and now, NOW I CAN ADD OTHER THINGS TO HIS DISH WITHOUT HIM POOPING BLOOD. Yes, it is great. I give him a variety of pet prepared raw meats from Nature's Variety (which he hates and doesn't eat), raw bones (which he loves), different canned meats (loves), different high quality canned pet foods (loves), and NRG dehydrated food (loves).

And my cats barely shed at all any more and he is much more tolerant of different foods.

Cats don't have to shed continuously.