Child's Play

I got a great deal on little girl panties the other day. I can't believe how much less expensive they are than adult ones. Just as comfortable, nice cotton, sometimes some cute prints (not that I have so much there yet, but nice colours anyway), why not? So the past week has found me in the little girl's section quite frequently, looking at the panties. This past weekend, I decided to branch out. I have a real problem finding clothes that fit. There is only one store that makes clothes that fit me most of the time, as a size 1/2. Most stores have their size 1/2 too big or too small or too short or too tight. 3/4? Nope. Never. Not since I lost the 10 - 15 punds that I am struggling to put back on. So this weekend I started trying on little girls clothes. I think I am in heaven. Sure, some are a little young like the pink cotton pants with the multi-coloured suede tie at the waist, but they fit! The larger sizes for girls, like 14 and 16, are made for the ones with a little bit of hips and a little bit of breast. Just right for me! They are also almost always long enough. And the cute shirts I can get now! And the decrease in cost! I bought 4 pairs of pants and 3 shirts for about $70.00 american over the weekend. I am paying less taxes because no one suspects me of buying the clothes for myself.
Today I revert to being a little girl and I like it.

Extended

I once knew a person who was forced to watch his girlfriend/fiance/best friend being gang raped and tortured death. I am thinking about him quite frequently recently.

My Second Night Out with the Multi-Millionaire

On Sunday, the group of us went out again. It was a slightly different group and it had a slightly different feel.
Sleazy, cheap, bawdy.
We got in the limo and poured the champagne. Half a glass only for me. I know my limits. The talk was of penises and viagra and horniness and sex. I sat in the corner, trapped next to my boss who talked endlessly of work and farming in the area and house prices. The topic at the other end changed to Krista, the escort he hired in Vegas who is coming up to visit him and go fishing with him. $2500/hr.
The multi-millionaire asked me, from the other end of the limo, out of context to anything going on, if I would sleep with him.
"I have to get up early and go to work tomorrow."
I feel cheap and do not like that it was even asked, in such a tawdry way in such a tawdry place. I know that other women in the car would have. Not because he is attractive, but because they could get money out of him for it.
Later at the dinner some of the other women professed that they would have sex for money. I didn't even take part in the conversation. The organizer told us all to order the most expensive bottles of wine and then take them with us. She got so drunk she couldn't walk. She ordered a huge plate of seafood for two plus an additional lobster and an additional crab. She took it all home and just drank.
It got ugly when one girl's steak wasn't properly cooked and the multi-millionaire started to have a fit, led on by the drunk organizer.
There was the presence of an additional male, who would grope and lear and take pictures of cleavage and inner thighs. He touched and bit and licked too. I escaped with just his arm around me. I think he had the presence of mind to know that I wouldn't take too kindly to more than that, and wasn't that pleased with that. I felt obligated to allow that though, in the situation I was in.
After, we went to the casino where he pushed money on us and I played nickel slots for a while. I was glad when the evening was over.
The organizer is planning the next one and has already asked me to come. I said I would but I know I don't want to. I will come up with a suitable excuse at the time.

Yesterday

I danced. With a man about twice my age. In a bar that wasn't meant to be danced in. To a song that was old and not remembered by me.
I was laughed at. For dancing with this man. By young brazen girls. With multi-coloured trying to be natural colours hair. With make-up I could see across the room. Twice. I danced with him twice and they laughed at me twice.
Other older men looked on. They wanted to be dancing with me in the bar. They wanted to have my hand on the small of their backs and hear me laughing in their ears.
He stopped the dance. He didn't want me to get in trouble when I was supposed to be working. I told him I would never get in trouble for dancing with him, whether I was at work or not.
I went back to work.
The girls kept drinking in the middle of the day.

Why?

Why aren't you married yet?
Because I haven't found the right person.
Because nobody wants to marry me.
Because no one will move out into the far away places I choose to live.
Because I haven't asked.
Because I don't know.
Because I eat souls.

Why are they making panties for little girls that say 'Paradise' right across the mons?

Shining Brightly

I had this thing, had being the opportune word, where people (mostly guys) flocked to me. I don't know why, but it has been commented on by many of my friends. One guy told me it was because I looked people in the eyes when walking down the street so I stopped doing that, but it didn't change. Someone else told me it was because I didn't wear that much make-up which made me more approachable and attainable. I didn't start wearing more make-up or anything, but I didn't really give that theory much credit either.
Now I am left alone. It is weird. People rarely approach me now at all.
I think it is not to do with how I look at people or how much make-up I wear or don't wear. I think it has to do with how strong of an individual I am at the moment.
I have always been strong and independent, or portrayed myself as such, but really, was not strong inside. People who came up to me weren't looking for someone weak or anything, but I was approachable. Now, my insides are healing, I am strong, and people don't meet my eyes. When I don't sleep well or am sick, people start noticing me again, I guess because I am weakened again.
An example of this happened recently. I wear whatever I want to work, but normal clothes, so they aren't the issue.
I walk around the establishment quite a bit in the course of my job and I go into our lounge/bar quite frequently. There are always quite a few regulars in there as well as a bunch of different people just stopping by. Nobody even looks at me. The other day I had worked I think 13 or 16 days straight, hadn't slept, felt sick to my stomach, probably looked a bit ill, but the moment I walked into the lounge, every single person in the place turned and looked at me. They kept talking or doing whatever they were doing. I didn't stop them in their tracks or anything, but for the whole time I was there, I seemed to be the centre of attention.
Odd.

2 Years

And how much I've changed. Happy anniversary to me anyway.

I decided, since I have been such a good (but dreadfully boring) girl, I deserved a treat, especially after the weekend I had. I bought myself 5 new pairs of panties. SO CUTE they are. I went to the little girl section and bought myself some X-large and they fit quite nicely. It kind of makes me feel like a pervert that I am wearing little girls panties, but hey, I think that is part of the charm. Plus, I don't think little girls should be wearing some of the underwear I bought, clearly designed for show. Who are they going to show? NO ONE.

Went to a job interview over the weekend in the coldest place in BC. -40 over the course of the winter, dipping down lower at times. Crazy. Stayed at the best place I have ever stayed at, ate scrumptious food, slept in the best bed, had the best sleep in the quiet. Oh I loved that sleep.

Car broke down twice on the way home. Used up all my lottery man money to fix it. So much for buying something nice for myself and my dog with it. My car still isn't running right (piece of shit) but unless lottery man wants to sink more money into it (ie, gives me winning lottery tickets for some reason), then so be it, otherwise I have to open the hood and put live wires on things, creating sparks and endangering my life, to start it. Fun!

I got called a "street walker" today, because I wore fishnet stockings to work. But they are a large weave, brown, and I am wearing a corduroy skirt and a cotton sweater top. Wow, what a way to feel good. I am not wearing any make-up either and my hair is back in a pony tail. I showed up late for work because I had to go and get a part for my car and then install it (whoa ho!) myself, as well as remove this other thing, which I kept, just in case I need it again. I was most unimpressed by the parts lady today. She was not nice to me, I guess she thought I didn't know what I needed. Fine I said, I ordered that part, give it to me, if the person I ordered it from screwed up, then tell me so I can go and get it elsewhere. She said, blah blah blah. Maybe it was because of the fishnet stockings.

The Signs

So, at RAKI RAKI FARM, you can buy produce, trade, buy, or sell autos, and return your empties for deposit. Only it is closed right now due to highway construction. This is just down from the SUSHI ANIMAL HOSPITAL. All on the same road. Go figure.
I have a huge document, over 60 pages, from my lawyer, concerning the accident I was in. I have no idea what any of it means.
In 2 hours I have a job interview.
I have 1 job offer already, I just have to sign on the dotted line. I have another interview on Friday, and I will be offered that job as well. I know another lady is interested in me, but she is going to lose out because I won't wait around for her, no matter how good her school is.
They are offering me lots of money.
I have a headache from this job as we speak. Yesterday, I almost had to pull over my car and get ill because I felt so crappy. I came in, realized it was the accountant's day off and felt better. Then he walked in the door and I felt just as crappy.
Life is too short, but the actual time I will be at this job is also very short.

My Night with a Multi-millionaire

So the other night I went out with a multi-millionaire. It wasn't just me, he took a bunch of us from work out. He arrived to pick us up in a Cadillac Expedition limo, gave us each an orchid, gave us champagne to drink, took us out to a restaurant that didn't take reservations (of course, he had one, for the table with the best view of the ocean), told us to eat up, took us out to a casino, gave us each $100, gave me lots of what he won that night, and dropped us all off at our doors. He is planning another night out for us next month, for the girls who couldn't make it this time (who had to work) plus me again. He likes me. He thinks I have a 'healthy' appetite (I ate a lot).
Since that night he has given me a lottery ticket that was worth over $400 plus over $100 in cash. I tell him he doesn't have to (in fact, I am a little embarrased about it), but he keeps giving me money. I have around $1000 in my wallet right now all from him. To the bank I go to pay down some debts, but I will stop and buy my dog something nice, as he told me too and as she deserves.
He likes to take my hand and he tells me I'm trustworthy because I am cute. This also makes me feel weird and I tell him cuteness is not a reliable means of determining trustworthiness (although I am trustworthy, but I am not after his money). It is also hard to talk to him, I think he is always slightly inebriated, so he repeats the same things over and over again. I am sure, from some of the things he says, he should have some interesting things to say, when he can stop repeating the same thing over and over again.
He means well.
A lot of people here at work just hang off him, trying to get money, not just staff but customers as well. He hands out $100 sometimes, and not others. It drives the bar manager crazy, because her staff just hangs off him and ignores everyone else. Customers too.
I feel oddly about the money he gave me. I am going to give 10% to charities, like I normally do with my pay cheques when I am making enough to sustain myself.